Forget the X-Factor if you wanna get rich and famous, there’s a new gig in town, become a millionaire politician and screw the people.
Auditions soon, only problem is you must leave all morals at the door.
“It’s my pleasant duty to inform you that the latest government finance accounts show that John Bruton is now on a ministerial pension of €97,947. And if memory serves, John is also on a TD pension of around €52,000. I’m not sure if he’s on a pension from the EU for his sterling service in Washington, but I’m sure he has some lovely memories.
Unfortunately, last week John failed to get the new job he was after, president of the EU. Damn and blast. Perhaps we can find him a nixer. Maybe something like Alan Dukes has, remember Alan? He was another hapless Fine Gael leader who got the bum’s rush.
You will recall that when the banks went belly-up the Government urgently needed help. All hands to the wheel. So, some trustworthy folk consented to come to the aid of a nation in peril — people like Alan Dukes and Ray MacSharry, Dick Spring and other worthies. They accepted positions as “public-interest directors” on the boards of various banks. Watchdogs for the citizens. That’s what I like to see, the true patriotism of the public servant.
Turns out Alan Dukes is on a fee scale of about €99,000 for sitting on the board of Anglo Irish Bank. And this is on top of his €44,000 ministerial pension. And his €54,000 TD pension. And a Happy Christmas to you too, Alan, and a prosperous New Year.
Joe Walsh, a Fianna Fail ex-minister who was somehow making do on a ministerial pension of €73,000, is now our watchdog on the board of Bank of Ireland, on a fee scale of €78,000. Ray MacSharry is down for €56,000 from the board of Irish Life. Ray is used to emoluments from several other boards, a 40-grand pension for being a minister and 52-grand for being a TD.
Now, this is all joyful news — clearly we live in a wealthy country where the “fundamentals of the economy are sound” (isn’t that what Mary Harney loves to chortle?) and we can afford a rock-star lifestyle for our politicians.
Oh, dear, a late bulletin has just come in — it seems we’re not so wealthy. In fact, the Government is about to kick the bejayzus out of an already sinking economy, taking €4 billion out of it. They’ll drive up unemployment and make the budget deficit even worse (when they started cutting they thought the deficit would be 6.5 per cent, but their policies managed to double that).
Oddly enough, we can still afford to continue the rock-star lifestyle of the politicians. Charlie McCreevy, the financial genius behind the tax-break culture, is on a ministerial pension of about €73,000, with another €52,000 or so coming in his TD’s pension. This is on top of his €230,000 EU salary.
All our top politicians are in the quarter of a million category. Plus generous expenses, and everyone’s still got a limo and free city-centre parking for life. It’s a lovely job, being a minister, if it wasn’t for the door occasionally falling off your helicopter. If you’re a retired taoiseach you have a team of gardai driving you around until the day you pop your clogs.
Are we really so rich we can afford to pay Mary McAleese €323,000 a year, on top of her €317,000 allowance, plus room and board? She couldn’t maybe get by on €100,000? And Mary Robinson is entitled to a pension of €150,000 a year, and a senator’s pension of €36,000.”